The Unknown

A lot of people are afraid of the unknown. Most of the time, I am too, to be perfectly honest. However, lately the unknown has been bringing me some great surprises. It almost makes me grateful I don't know what is coming. I'm kind of enjoying this aspect of ignorance. Even in the moments that bring upsetting unknowns, there has been an element of joy, or at least of satisfaction. It has given me the opportunity to show who I am, to stare down the world, and most importantly, to grow and learn. And sometimes that unknown turns out to be even better than what I had planned. So to all the unknowns out there, I say bring it on. I'm ready and waiting.

Kindred Spirits

Although I consider myself an optimist, sometimes this world really sucks. Things happen. People come and go in our lives, and not always the ones we want.

Yet, sometimes we meet people who become a part of us and seemed to have always been a part of us. I'm thankful for those people that will forever remain in my heart, regardless of whether they remain in my life or not. These kindred spirits are an amazing connection on a deeper level than we ever knew possible. They make our lives better and give us so much more than we can ever return, it seems. They teach us and learn from us, grow with us, hurt and cry with us, rejoice and laugh with us. These people know the real us, love us regardless, and bless us every day just by being there. Even though it is difficult to find these people, and even more difficult to let them go, I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. And every day, I'm thankful for the ones I've met.

Paper Airplanes

I changed my cursor to something frivolous: a paper airplane. It reminds me of easier times when such joy and entertainment could be derived from something so simple as a piece of paper. Part of me misses those days, yet who is to say those days are gone?

I remember making paper airplanes as a kid and getting such a kick out of how far they would fly. Different designs would fly different ways, further, or faster. It was fun to figure out my favorite, to experiment. As we grow older, that childlike innocence is somehow lost or dissolved into daily routines. It is only because we let it. So, today, I decided to make a paper airplane. I flew it across the office, giggled as if I was still a child, and enjoyed the simplicity of that single piece of paper (after accidentally throwing it right into the wall). I forgot how great it is to see my creation succeed, watch it glide across the room, floating in space. It really didn't fly very long, as I have forgotten just how to make the PERFECT paper airplane. But it flew, and a piece of me soared with it, caught up in the reminiscence of my childhood, my long forgotten innocence. Even if it was only for a few seconds.

Medocrity in Music

I picked up my guitar again last night after not playing for a few weeks. My fingers are a little sore, so typing this is a bit difficult (not to mention I pinched my finger in a pair of scissors). I didn't make it very far before I gave into the pain and decided to play the harmonica instead. You can't go wrong with "Amazing Grace", right? (It reminded me of the visions of the old soulful man playing his prized posession as he sits in a jail cell, dingy blue overalls, pouring out all he had left with every blow and draw of the tiny instrument. Hope fading as the sun sets across the yard, yet each note bringing a certain peace. Even though his physical prison will last the rest of his life, his soul is forever free. Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound.)

At any rate, music doesn't come as easy for me as for some, but I'm still trying, foraging the foreign forest in a rather feeble attempt at creating something wonderful. Maybe one day I will really be good at it. I would love that. For now, all I can do is try. I enjoy it, but sometimes it is rather frustrating. (Perhaps that is why so many, including myself, enjoy Guitar Hero. We BECOME a part of the music without having to know anything or have any special talent.) I am so far from reaching any kind of guitar goals, yet that is on my list of things to do. So I'll keep trekking, keep wandering aimlessly through the fields of amatuerity and mediocrity until I stumble upon something extraordinary. Although way too far in the future to predict, I know it is there. Somewhere. Somehow. Someday. But today, I have to hope for that, dream for that, work for that. I can't quit today. I have so much more to offer, even if it is only mediocre.

Ice Cream

I like ice cream. I currently I have 4 different types of ice cream in my freezer. My favorite may be Cold Stone Creamery's birthday cake remix. It is CAKE BATTER ICE CREAM! AH! (I didn't mean to yell; I just got excited.) It also has brownie pieces and sprinkles mixed in. I'm not quite sure why ice cream brings me such pleasure, but it does. I also don't know why I felt the need to share this love of frozen yummy goodness with the world, but I did. So now you know....

Cleansing Rains

I love the rain. I love sitting inside, listening to it beat down on the building around me. I love the smell. I love the feeling it gives me. One thing I love is how refreshing it is, how it seems to wash everything clean. A fresh new start when things seem to go stale. It makes me thankful to be alive. The symbolism is extraordinary. I'm brought to a place of spiritual contentment. God seems to speak to me in the gentle droplets that cascade from the endless skies. He reminds me where I was before I knew Him. I can look at that point in my life, accept it for what it was, and rejoice in His cleansing nature. He teaches me, He saves me, and above all, He loves me. It reminds me of the scene in Shawshank Redemption, where Andy finally breaks free and is standing in the field, arms raised in victory as the rain surrounds him. His freedom, after years of imprisonment, reflected in the healing waters pouring over him. After years of spiritual imprisonment, after fighting what seems to be a losing battle, we as Christians triumph. It is so simple, yet the ramifications are endless.

Learning from movies

Anybody who knows me knows how much I love movies. My collection is great, perhaps even bordering on insane. I think this love affair started more as an escape from the reality that plagued me, but it has become more of a hobby. Sometimes a gateway to laughter, sometimes a chance to experience something I never would, and sometimes just simply the prevention of boredom. But there is nothing better than enjoying a movie and having it actually impact your life. Last night, I watched one of those movies. It got me thinking about those little things in life that are so significant, those split second decisions that change everything. You just never know...
It makes me even more determined to make my life mean something, to be worth something. You never know the impact you have on someone's life. You never know how something so seemingly insignificant can change your entire life, who you are, and what you believe. I keep talking of little things, but THOSE are the moment that define our lives. THOSE are the moments to live for, and sometimes to die for. Those are what we face every day of our lives, giving us the opportunity to improve, one little thing at a time, and ultimately, able to conquer the big things. So here's to the little things: smiling at a co-worker, helping your neighbor start her car, calling those you love just to say you love them, letting a movie change your life, all the while cherishing every moment. Because big things are on the way. And the little things will take you there.

Reflections

As another day closes at work, I'm looking forward to an evening at home. Living on my own can be challenging at times, since I am not used to it, but the time to myself, to reflect, is a priceless venture in my new life. As daily bills and responsibilities pile up, sometimes it gets overwhelming, yet every opportunity gives me a chance to prove to myself I can do it. I can dream. I can achieve. My life is not ending; it is only beginning. Quiet evenings at home, doing laundry, cleaning, and taking care of every day chores, although monotonous, give me a minute chance to shine and to take pride in something. Every day, I have the opportunity to be myself. Every day, I have a chance to succeed. Every day, my life improves. I find pride in little things. I find joy in things I had long forgotten even existed. I rediscover my happiness every minute of every day. I smile for no reason. I laugh at myself. I am me, and even though there are faults that lie within all of us, I am proud to be me. I am excited to live again, to hope again, to love again. It feels great, and tomorrow will even be better.

Sleep, or lack thereof

Lately, I've been short on sleep. It seems a luxury anymore. Most nights, I toss and turn in a fruitless attempt to give my body the necessary rest that it seeks. My mind usually races with random thoughts of the day, or time, or things of depth previously unknown to me. I try to reason myself to sleep, yet my mind is ever vigilant in it's attempts to confine me to this wakeful world. I don't ever seem to figure anything out during these times, except that I am tired, and frustrated, thus perpetuating the cycle. I've grown to treasure those nights where sleep is able to encompass me in it's peaceful arms, wrapped in blankets of dreams, and laying upon pillows of pure comfort. I like when slumber overtakes me, finally, and I fall under the power of the night. The morning comes too soon, yet when it does, I'm glad to wake up, refreshed, renewed, revitatized. It almost sounds like a shampoo commercial or something. Sleep, dream, repeat. Sleep, dream, repeat. And by morning, the air seems warmer, the sun seems brighter, and the significance of a good night's rest is even more clear. And last night's luxurious sleep created one of these perfect mornings.

Beauty

Sometimes life just amazes me. I'm completely enamored with the beauty that surrounds me every day. The way the sun shines through the trees. The smiles on people's faces. The laughter that resonates off the walls from across the building. The sweet smell of coffee in the morning. Life can be so grand if we get past ourselves and find joy in all the small things that emanate such beauty. I've had to do this a lot lately: concentrate on what I love most dearly in the world, and laugh at the ugliness that desires to steal all the goodness away. Sometimes it is a daily battle to overcome that black hole of depression that seeks out my soul. Sometimes it is not enough to see the small things. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am and how precious life is. Sometimes..... But now is not one of those times. NOW, everything is beautiful. NOW, my soul is at peace. NOW is my time. And NOW will last forever.

Another thing to check off my list

So my life lately has been defined by doing those things I've always dreamed. Now, here again, I am doing one of those things. I always thought "I SHOULD start a blog." And Now, I'm doing it. I've always enjoyed writing, and subsequently sharing that with others, so why not the world? I suppose this will end up being quite a random blog, but hey, as long as I'm doing SOMETHING, I can cross this off my list!