Pretty in Pink

I've been "playing" the guitar for about 4 months now. I only know 3 chords and one song that consists of 18 picked notes repeated over. I'm not very good, needless to say. Last night after my failed attempt at writing some awe-inspiring genius for this very blog, I picked up my pink electric beauty. I carefully traced my finger along her curves, admiring her, wanting to make the beautiful music for which she was meant. I wanted to miraculously be able to play and not hear the buzz of the strings from my inexperience. I so badly wanted to close my eyes and let my fingers effortlessly dance over the strings in a blur of perfection. That didn't happen. I wasn't suddenly imparted with knowledge and talent that people work at for years.

It was just me. Angela Riley: amateur guitarist.

All my flaws were blatantly exposed. I couldn't run from them. I couldn't pretend they weren't there. I stared into the eyes of my inadequacies, but for some strange reason, I was so comfortable behind that amazing piece of musical equipment. All my uneasiness and awkwardness of the past four months faded away. And this time as I started to strum, it wasn't too bad. My fingers found the chords more naturally than before. It was easier than last time, noticeably so. Finally, I feel like I am making progress. It definitely didn't happen over night; it was actually work! (Who knew?) But last night, it was worth every blister, every frustration along the way. And even if that sense of immense satisfaction only lasted a few brief moments (precisely 18 picked notes), I know there will be more. I'm so looking forward to that!

Rebel Yell

The big boss is at work today, roaming around, making sure we are doing our jobs properly and efficiently. Yet, there is a twinge in me that needs to blog right now, not because I have anything profound to say, or because I want to inspire any kind of change or revolution in the world. Really, I have nothing to say. But I have to blog. Why? Simply because I am not supposed to, especially since the big guy is here. I’m too sensible to rebel in any drastic way, too reasonable to put anything real at risk, and too logical to do anything based solely on emotion. But blogging at work? I can do that! And that part of me that needs to rebel against societal standards screams, “I come in religiously 40 hours a week, every week. I do everything you tell me. But today, I’m BLOGGING! Today, I break your rules right under your nose! Yeah, take that BOSS MAN!” It’s a small victory, but right now, I’ll take what I can get. (And just so everyone knows how incredibly rebellious I really am…I wrote all this in a fake email and copy and pasted into my blog. Real rebellious, Angela. Real rebellious….)

It's good to be home

Yesterday I walked outside and on the first cool breath of the budding summer air, I fell in love. Again. With my new home. I'm not sure why my soul is so at rest here, even in the midst of personal turmoil, but it is. That smell following a southern rain filled my nostrils. Each sharp inhale was like breathing in pure peace, my lungs expanding as I took advantage of that amazing feeling. I closed my eyes, captured by the moment, the emotion, and that sweet, sweet smell. I can only describe it as total communion with God, nature, mind and body, in sync, on track, and totally in love. THIS is why I am here, why I had to come back. It's so good to be home. Finally home. Finally at peace, at least in that one beautiful moment. I smiled that goofy smile. That I-am-finally-doing-those-amazing-things-I've-dreamt-about-for-years-and-they-are-happening-RIGHT-NOW smile. Or the when-God-gives-you-a-big-hug-wipes-your-tears-from-your-cheeks-whispering-"I've been here the whole time, baby. I'm not going anywhere. Ever."-and-for-the-first-time-in-a-long-time-you-smile smile. Yeah, I smiled like that. And as the cool rainy southern summer breeze caressed my tear stained face, I opened my eyes to a brightening sun, and renewed hope. My heart hurt a little less, my eyes sparkled a little brighter, and I walked away totally, completely in love.